I can’t tell you when you are going to meet the shadow side of you. I know when it happened for me!
And I can see it and feel it so clearly, Summer of 2007, and I am rushing my son to the hospital as he is delirious and lethargic. One my way into town that I could feel the inside panicking about maybe losing him. Within 24 hours we had a diagnosis – something I had been fighting for for four years.
And it was like in that moment, I had to ask myself what did I really want in this life? What do I want to do? Who do I want to be.
The only action I took was to enroll into college for my Master’s in Counseling because I have this calling to help people and I thought that would be the way. But it wasn’t until a year later that I was coming face to face with the shadow side as my son was fighting for his live after the first and second liver transplant didn’t go as planned.
I had to be really honest with myself with how I was showing up in this world. Where I was tolerating my boundaries crossed. The stories I told myself of why I couldn’t have the kind of life I wanted. The behavior I allowed from others and mostly myself.
My intuition had been screaming at me for years but I was too afraid to listen. I was too ashamed about my life and the things I had put up with. I was petrified about being really honest with myself and how everything impacted my life.
As I watched my son get up every single day, with no complains no matter how miserable he was, or the oxygen he lacked and the feed tube attached to him, I owed it to him, his brothers and myself to become the person I so carefully had tucked away for so many years.
Every day you have a choice to be the best version of yourself or the version you think you need to be in order to fit in. But let me tell you that trying to fit in is really hurting you in the long run and that when you face yourself for the very first time, you can feel the power in your core.
There’s a light within you trying to shine but the shadow is so big that it covers like you’re living in a time and space with a constant eclipse.
If you’re ready to face the shadow side of you know that you are loved and supported in the process.