Are you ready for some money past journaling and to stop hiding from abundance? We have a lot of stories, beliefs, fears, and blocks around money that we may not be aware of. Over the years I’ve learned though that the key to change is to look at all of those things.
What’s your first memory about money? Write it out in detail. What was the event? Who was involved? What beliefs do you think formed as a result?
Reflection, Thoughts + Feelings
It’s so interesting isn’t it, trying to think back about your first money memory. As I am thrifting through the memories I do have, it’s during my time in the foster family that everything seemed to unfold for me. I received a small allowance and back then it was just enough to buy the 5 or 10 cent candies as you do before or after school.
But that isn’t the memory that perhaps blocked me from really tapping into my own worth. In the foster family, there were 6 foster kids, and 2 bio kids and if I said that the bio kids got everything, I suspect this wouldn’t be surprising. One of my foster siblings took a bunch of change and successfully made me the bad guy in the situation – up until that point stealing money wasn’t on my mind. I’d rather take the crystal sugar for teas and snack on them instead without anyone knowing. This experience would follow me and lead me to have a lapse in my own judgment and perhaps attempt to step into the stigma of being a foster kid.
The punishment for stealing was a severe beating and being grounded to the bedroom. All I could think how unfair it was because I didn’t steal the change. But I know that my foster parents didn’t make space for healthy emotional conversation and instead, would often also be the recipient of verbal abuse they told me that I would never amount to anything, that I wouldn’t be successful and I would end up just like my parents, which in this case wasn’t a great outlook for my life.
It’s during my time with that foster family that my beliefs of unworthiness, being undeserving, and the ability to not believe in myself and my abilities to be successful. For me, there isn’t just this one memory, I think it’s the 6 years I spend with that family that impacted how I would feel about life more than my own parents.
Money past journaling isn’t easy because it’s that space where we really have to dive deep into the stories. I am sure that if I spend more time, I will discover other stories!